Confusion

So, I was at work the other day and one of my old friends from church came in. I hadnt seen him in at least 6 months if not longer. He's one of the friends whom I miss so much all the time. We had had a special connection during the time we hung out and went to school together.

Anyways, he came in and I gave him a big smile and said hello. I thought that I was being rather cheery and in a good mood. But he stopped and looked at me and he said, "Noelle, you've lost your inner happiness and spazziness"

When he said that it really took me off guard... I knew he was right, but I just didn't really understand. I mean cuz I was in a good mood. Altho a "good" mood for me these days isnt saying much. Because my good moods now are nothing compared to how they were a few years before. If I ever feel happy at all anymore it never really reaches the inside and I guess he could tell the difference. It made me kinda sad... and once again it reminded me of how confused I am about things and about how I have no idea who I am.

I mean I have some idea of who I am of course. There's certain things that I know for sure that I believe in and have opinions about. But there's so much these days that I just don't know what I think or feel about.

Oh well, I suppose in time I shall have it all straightened out... at least I hope so.

- Noelle

Pondering Myself

I was just wondering a few minutes ago... What is special about me? Is there anything special about me? Is there?

I certainly don't think so. Maybe that's why I seem to always be the girl left behind. The one who loses all her friends. The one who seems to fade into the background at social gatherings. The girl who is in love with the guy who either loves another girl, or just has no interest in her at all other than being "just friends"

What I wanna know is, WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?!

Am I ugly? Stupid? Is it because I'm not as thin as other girls? Is it because I have no money? Cuz I dont have a gorgeous smile? A beautiful singing voice? Really nice clothes? A shiny car? What IS it?!?!!?! How come I seem to not be good enough?

*sigh* oh well... please excuse me for this pity party. I'm just feeling rather depressed and useless tonight.

- Noelle

My New Obsession ;)

Helllloooo everybody!!! Did ya miss me? I know its been a while since I've posted. Heehee. Anyways... So I have a new addiction... dun dun dun!!! It's Ice Hockey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!! =D

I started getting interested in it last winter when my friend talked to me about it. So I decided to watch a few games here and there to see if I thought it would be any good. And what do ya know? I liked it! So I started to become a fan. However it wasnt until recently that I started becoming obsessed. I kept watching games and looking up information and history on Hockey, and all the sudden it was like a poison being injected into my veins! I crossed over to the dark side!!!! Muwhahahahha!!!!!!!!!

I went to my first Hockey game last month on October 23rd with my friend Kelly. It was the Washington Capitals (my favorite team btw) vs. the Atlanta Thrashers. and I had a freakin BLAST!!!! All the energy and exctiement!!! It was exhilirating! I had a high from it for like the next 2 days! And I'm not even kidding.... It was epic ;)

I am like SUPER psyched because Kelly and I are going to another Caps game in December against the Pittsburgh Penguins. I can hardly wait! I think I'm going to pass out from excitment when the day finally comes! LOL. So it's safe to say that from now on I will be Rocking the Red ;D

So, anyways, I've been having lots of fun with that. Other than this, not much going on lately. Same old same old. Looking for full time work. Pretty much adapted to my new living arrangements which is good. So yeah... things are pretty decent at the moment. Well all for now. Ttyl

- Noelle

And life goes on...

Hello blog! It's been a LONG long time since I've posted. I deeply apologize, but as usual, my life has been FULL of crazyness and so I've been too busy to post. Plus not having a computer at home made it difficult to keep up... But there's no need to worry about that anymore! (At least for now) Because I haved moved in with my friend Caitlin.



If you're wondering why it's because my sister Danielle that I lived with for over a year, randomly kicked me out of my home the other night... Yep. That's right. She kicked me right out on the streets with no where to live, no car, no money. Nothing. So much for family eh?



So, now I am living with Caitlin and her family in their basement. I am so lucky to have such great friends who are willing to support me and offer me a home. I'm very blest. I'll also be staying with my friend Lacey on some weekends and stuff too. So, at least I have a roof over my head. That's more than a lot of other people have so I'm grateful for that.



What I'm working on now is finding a full-time job so that I can save up money and get a place of my own so that my friends aren't burdened with me for TOO long. Also I'm trying to get my own car ASAP. I'm working on something at the moment... on the 18th I'm supposed to go to a car auction in Fredricksburg with my parents. They're supposed to try to buy 3 cars. 1 for my dad, 1 for my mom, and a 3rd one for me so buy from my dad!!! I'd be making monthly payments to him for it. So, I'm REALLY hoping and praying that that will work out... otherwise I have no idea how to get a car soon! UGH

My life has just been extra crazy lately... *sigh* I say "extra" because my life is always crazy of course...

On a positive note I'm looking forward to attending my first hockey game ever next week with my friend Kelly. That should be awesome!!!

Well, I'm tired and not feeling well so I'm gonna end this post now. See ya soon blog!

- Noelle

Random Happenings

*Sigh* Hey everyone!!! Please forgive me for not blogging in SOO long! I have been so CRAZY busy this past month! Its highly unusual for me to be this busy and doing so much stuff! Especially since I had grown so used to being alone all the time and never going out anywhere for like a year since my old friends ditched me...

Anyways, so this past month has def been insane. Filled with lots of bad events, as well as some not so bad ones =)

Alot of things have also changed in certain ways this month too. My outlook on the world has changed (somewhat), but then again its always changing becuz my life is so insane and I never know what to think anymore becuz as soon as I'm 99% sure of something it completely falls apart and it turns out that REALLY its the complete opposite of what I thought!!! Is this confusing? I think I'm confusing you poor readers of my blog... sorry. I got carried away. Tee hee =D

One thing I've decided on (at least for now and most likely for quite a while) is that I'm not going to church anymore... You can say what you want and think what you want about me, but remember that you have NO right to judge or preach when you dont know what its like to be me. And thats all I'm gonna say for now...

On the up side I finally have good friends again!!! Which makes me incredibly happy and starting to feel like an actual normal social person again! Yay! I'm so glad that I was reunited with my two best friends from years ago Caitlin and Anne! Theyre so awesome and I love them!!! =D Also Christina: Idk WHAT I'd do without her! She is the most understanding person ever! I think she's also the person I've known in my life that "gets" me the most in ways that others cant. My other best friend Jessica has been a HUGE help to me this past year! Ive talked to her about everything and she never judges me! She is such a good supportive person and I'm so lucky to have her! And then of course there's my newest friend Lacey!!! Whom I have SO much fun with! She makes me giddy, hyper, spazzy, and I always have such a great time when I'm hanging out w/ her!!!

So thats def helped me alot lately and made me feel alot happier ;)


I really wish I had a laptop with wireless so that I could update my blog more often!! Ugh! It sucks... oh well... maybe someday.

OH! I'm also really excited about my vacation coming up in less than a month! EEeek! For the first week of October I am going on vaca with my sister Danielle! So excited!!!! I'll def be writing a blog about that once I go!

Well, thats all I can think of to write about for now... I'm sure I'll think of stuff as soon as I get off of here tho lol I shall try my VERY best to not wait another month before updated again!

Peace Out! =)

Pimpin' My Blog

Hello my fellow bloggers! How is everyone doing this fine Sunday evening? Well, some of you may have noticed that I have (finally) changed the title of my blog! Before I simply had it titled as "decluegirl1229" which is my yahoo ID and email username etc. I had put it up there when I first made my blog because at the time I didn't have any ideas for a good title and I was rushing around working on other things. Now that I've had the time to sit down at an actual computer instead of using my phone for internet, I have come up with the name of my blog! As you can see it's "Noelle's Neurotic Nook". I thought very long and hard about what the title of my blog should be... It was actually REALLY difficult! Lol. I played around with making a title out of my eye color (hazel) or my birth month (december) and things like that... and I must give kudos to my sisters Dominique and Annemarie who tried very hard to help me figure out what my blog title should be! Thanks guys! Anyways, finally I decided that I wanted my name in the title, cuz it is MY blog right? So, I started throwing around ideas in my head about adjectives or words which desribed me that went well with my name. I came upon the word neurotic and it fits me awfully well! Of course I'm not 100% neurotic, but I have enough of the symtoms and such. In case anyone doesn't have a clear understanding of what "neurotic" means here's a short description of some of the attributes of neurosis:

anxiety, saddness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion,
low sense of self-worth, behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance,
viligance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, cognitive problems
such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and
obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, aggressivness,
perfectionism, schizoid isolation, etc.

Yeah... pretty much alot of that relates to me, but of course not all of it, and some of the symptoms I have are very minor. Anyways, I like the title of my new blog and I hope everyone else does too!

My Temperament

The Melancholic / Choleric

The melancholic-choleric is also a leader with the potential to accomplish great works. However, where the choleric-melancholic is driven by the challenge and the opportunity, the melancholic-choleric is inspired more by the nobility of the task. The introverted nature of the melancholic, combined with the focused and unempathic nature of the choleric, can result in an individual who is highly motivated by noble ideals (even humanitarian ones), but who prefers to work alone, rather than with people. The melancholic side of both temperament mixtures results in the project being organized, ethical, and high-minded, while the choleric aspect is the driving and demanding force.

If you are melancholic-choleric, you are somewhat less pragmatic (or utilitarian) than a pure choleric, just as persevering and determined, and with a greater emphasis on the ideal. Likely to be motivated by the most noble and demanding of causes, you are capable of founding a humanitarian society, composing a symphony, founding a school, or discovering a cure. You are organized, perfectionist, introspective, driven, and moody (though less so than a pure melancholic). You will be less active than a choleric-melancholic and less extraverted, more internally focused.

But your weaknesses include a tendency to excessive self-criticism and criticism of others, being dismissive or overly judgmental, exhibiting a tendency to self-absorption, and possessing an untrustful and controlling nature. You tend to be inflexible, can bear grudges for a long time and may be prone to discouragement. A melancholic-choleric who is not attentive to his spiritual life, and does not keep his eye assiduously on the truly important things of life can become a cross to those around him, through his nit-picking, perfectionism, disdain, bitterness, resentfulness, spitefulness when crossed, and even haughtiness.