Confusion

So, I was at work the other day and one of my old friends from church came in. I hadnt seen him in at least 6 months if not longer. He's one of the friends whom I miss so much all the time. We had had a special connection during the time we hung out and went to school together.

Anyways, he came in and I gave him a big smile and said hello. I thought that I was being rather cheery and in a good mood. But he stopped and looked at me and he said, "Noelle, you've lost your inner happiness and spazziness"

When he said that it really took me off guard... I knew he was right, but I just didn't really understand. I mean cuz I was in a good mood. Altho a "good" mood for me these days isnt saying much. Because my good moods now are nothing compared to how they were a few years before. If I ever feel happy at all anymore it never really reaches the inside and I guess he could tell the difference. It made me kinda sad... and once again it reminded me of how confused I am about things and about how I have no idea who I am.

I mean I have some idea of who I am of course. There's certain things that I know for sure that I believe in and have opinions about. But there's so much these days that I just don't know what I think or feel about.

Oh well, I suppose in time I shall have it all straightened out... at least I hope so.

- Noelle